Thursday, 7 June 2012

Mum Did A Bad Bad Thing

I've done the worst thing I think I can possibly do.

I compared

I compared my beautiful 9 month old baby with another and it was horrid and sent me in a tail spin and had me in tears. I brought the entire emotional meltdown on myself.

It was like a normal week. This week, however, when I went to pick up my other daughter from Karate as I do on a Wednesday evening, I wore my Uggs. Now I never normally wear them out in public but to my defense it was frigging cold and I rarely get out of the car on pick up. Of course this would be the one night Sensei wanted to speak to me. A million things ran through my head, as we have not been having the best time at the moment with my 9 year old. Attitude smatitude. She could give Pink a run for her money and have her crying in the fetal position within the hour.
So as I trudged up the pathway, quietly breaking into a cold sweat. this little boy comes tumbling over. That "I've just learnt to walk " move. You know the one. Where they start out slow and careful and then get a wind of confidence and get a run up. Grins up at me with FIVE teeth and says "ello". I nearly died of his cuteness of jeans and flannie shirt.

Then Sensei wonders over. "Sorry about that, he gets a bit cocky sometimes"
Me "Awww he's adorable how old is he?"
Sensei " 9 MONTHS"

Well the conversation that followed about something to do with tournaments and some ungodly fee that is required and new belts blah blah blah.

All my mind was thinking....9 Fucking Months. He has teeth, says more than Dadda and can walk.

My cheeky chops A has no teeth, has one word "dadda" and bum drags herself everywhere.

I came through the door fully expecting Miss A to be asleep, as I had left her, but no there she was sitting in the lounge room playing with Daddy. WTF I think, why is she not in bed and why is she playing. Daddy explains that she woke up full of beans so he decided to let her play for awhile.

That pushed me to edge. I silently went into the bathroom, in the dark and had a shower. A long long shower, crying silent tears into the water.

What the fuck was wrong with me. Miss A is perfect. A happy healthy bundle of typhoon. I don't even notice her birthmark on her face anymore until someone mentions it. Why was I comparing? What the hell did I think I was doing? The only explanation I have is the next morning I woke up surfing the crimson wave.

So Miss A, Mummy is very sorry she ever doubted your ability to be anything but awesome in your own way xx


3 comments :

  1. Yup, hormones. They're nasty little buggers, they stuff up all sense of reason and rationale. Also, you're human. :) xo

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  2. nawww you poor thing. I think it's hard because our one-up-man-ship that we're shamed of is also wrapped up with our natural desire to look out for warning signs that something isnt right so that we can help our children. 

    Miss A is a precious, precious bundle!

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  3. Nothing but love Beth! Farking crimson wave. Blurgh. xx

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