Friday, 20 January 2012

SYL12 - Week 2 - Goals & Values

Deb explains this week how goals and values are separate. This is where I differ, mine seem to intermingle like two dancing minx.
Rather than complicate matters, I decided to list some of both


Values 


  • Family
  • Honesty 
  • Respect 
I shall elaborate a little on these.
Family
It is my everything, the reason I get up in the morning and the reason I have no sleep at night ;)
I would do and have done anything for my family, my current brood to extended family, virtual family, all of them. This can be a minefield at times. I tend to throw myself with complete gusto, to hell with the consequences self at other people's problems, i.e family and neglect my own, my own personal demons. So it intermingles with goals, as I need to work on stepping back and "fixing" everybody elses shit.
My family are close, nosy interfering close, but we love each other dearly just the same.

Honesty
Now this is a trigger for me. I am honest to the point of being rude. I never lie, I never smudge things to spare someone's feelings, I just open my mouth and it all comes out. I have lost many people over the years because I didn't grease their ego enough, "does my bum look big in this" ....yes it looks fucking huge get it off (in a french accent) I have learnt in new or public situations to just walk away,  the school moments where I could really let rip at the teacher or fellow parents over some truly astonishing bullshit statement. So those I do have around me now are those who know and understand my honesty, because underneath the quick wit and vulgar mouth is someone who will always stand by you and be there through thick and thin.
I expect honesty in others,  when I find out someone has lied or hasn't been completely honest, I'm disappointed and never really look at that person the same way.

Respect
In my previous life, I was a State Manager in a WW company in a male dominated industry. I worked hard, incredibly hard to get that position, to gain the respect of my mostly male peers, to be taken seriously. Respect is just not given because you have a position or in normal life because you are a mother or an elder etc. Respect to ME is earned. Only time can you earn such respect or high regard.
I can respect a person not a position. I know as a child you are tutored that you must respect your elders, but why? What have they done to you personally other than live longer to earn your respect? I teach my kids, to be mindful of their elders. Which to me is more about manners than respect.  Good manners and respect are two different things.

Goals 


To be more respectful, to whom you may ask? My partner, I do not give him anywhere near enough credit for his own decision making ability. I just assume that I will know better when it comes to parenting because I have done it all before, this is wrong of me, so very wrong and I have stopped myself three times this week alone, in correcting something he was doing with the girls, to just sit back and let it be. More respectful of others opinions, I do not know everything nor am I right on everything, this will always be a work in progress. I embrace healthy debate and am learning everyday new things because I am working on listening to others opinions and thoughts on topics. Blogs have done wonders for this, to sit and read others and think to myself "ohhh I never thought of it like that" is a light bulb moment and I am relishing this broadening of my mind.

To be more honest with myself in regards to my health. I am not well I know I'm not well but keep busying myself with other things so not to deal with it. This is of great importance and the reality is, must be put first on my goal list.

Learning to walk away from others people's issues. This is a HUGE one. Immediately someone shares a problem with me, I have this inane urge to fix it. FIX IT ALL....IMMEDIATELY and when truth be told I can not, I don't have the foresight, the funds, the time, so I've set myself up for disappointment to begin with. Listen, listen until the other person is tired of talking, until they feel better for just having shared, learn to just listen BETH and not DO.

This challenge alone is an eye opener, to deal with issues that you know are at the back of your mind , to deal with them head on, week by week slowly but surely

EFFING  cheaper than therapy this is :)

3 comments :

  1. Mummy Issues Part 220 January 2012 at 21:33

    It is indeed cheaper than therapy and may be more useful!! I agree with so much that you have written here. I am the same with my partner...I assume that because I am with the kids more and (the shame the shame) a social worker, that I know better (the shame the shame!!).  I need to let him learn himself and his way may be better. I really hope you take care of yourself. Need to put you first. xx

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  2. Family honesty and respect are great values to hold dear!  Remember, this is your challenge journey and you do it your way. I am just a guide offering an outline and some ideas. Your own stamp is what makes it right for you

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  3. You've really got me thinking with this Beth. Thank you so much for sharing yourself so openly as you do.  xx

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